i need a hug right now also five hundred thousand dollars in cash
Michael Lee, Waking Up Naked (via rl-y)
deserves at least a sarcastic laugh.
this has been on my dash all day and I just got it now
Steve Rogers is not afraid of strong women.
Steve Rogers is not afraid of strong women.
Stop it with the fic where Steve is terrified of Natasha, or Maria, or Pepper, or guh, Darcy. I guess people think it’s cute, or whatever.
Seriously. Strong women don’t make Steve scared, they make him swoon.
The only thing Steve is afraid of is that strong women won’t like him.
Acting like Steve is afraid of women also ignores one of my favorite moments of the movies, where Steve isn’t sure if Clint can be trusted, but he looks to Natasha and it just takes one nod from her for Steve to be okay with it. He respects people who know what they’re doing, male or female.
IT’S A SEX TOY GIVEAWAY TIME!!!!!!
Okay guys so here’s the deal, you’ve been putting up with all my ToyDirty posts for a while now and it’s time to celebrate.
Each week I’ll be giving away one of these best selling $121 dollar Lelo gigi vibrators along with another smaller prize of your choosing from the picture seen above. The last winner will also get the couple-friendly $188 dollar Lelo ora as well.
If you don’t want to wait you can purchase these on my site ToyDirty right away and they are by far my favorite, most recommended products. You can get any toys for 5% off with discount word “tonight” until the giveaway is over.
Each vibrator is made with body-safe silicone material, comes with a 1-year warranty, is fully rechargeable and has multiple adjustable stimulation settings.
And all you have to do is like or reblog this post as often as your little heart desires to increase your chances. You don’t even need to be following me and a winner will be chosen every Friday until April 11th with a random number generator.
You must be 18 or over to participate and this is in no way affiliated with tumblr.
GOOD LUCK ;)
THE FIRST WINNER’S ITEM HAS BEEN SHIPPED TODAY BUT THERE ARE STILL SIX MORE CHANCES TO WIN, PICKING THE NEXT WINNER THIS COMING WEEKEND SO KEEP LIKING AND/OR REBLOGGING TO INCREASE YOUR CHANCES!!
PICKING THE NEXT WINNER THIS WEEKEND!!!!
(Footnote: If you are too embarrassed to buy condoms, you are not ready to have sex.)
Two: Kissing is not merely foreplay. Spend entire evenings making out on the couch while fully clothed. Believe me, dry-humping rocks.
Three: Sex is not just about friction. It’s about emotion. Stop trying to find her clitoris and find her heart. Because then she’ll help you find her clitoris.
Four: If you really wanna know how to please a woman, ask her how she masturbates. Then do that. A lot. If she claims she doesn’t masturbate, offer to take her shopping for a vibrator so you can both learn the vocabulary of her body together.
Five: Don’t put anything in her butthole you wouldn’t want in your own.
(Footnote: Try a pinky finger, it’s kinda awesome.)
Six: When you go down on her—and you will go down on her, and if you are my son, you will be amazing at it—tell her how good she tastes. Stop in the middle and kiss her deeply so she knows how good she tastes. Do the same when she goes down on you.
Seven: A simple Google search will yield 1,327 euphemisms for male masturbation, yet only 23 for female masturbation. If guys spent less time jacking off and more time jilling off, this world would be a happier place.
Eight: Everything you need to know about the importance of the clitoris is in the movie Star Wars. You are Luke Skywalker piloting your penis-shaped X-Wing Fighter deep inside her trench. Remember: seventy percent of all Death Stars cannot be blown up through penetration of the trench alone. It must be through focused contact with that little exhaust port at the top of the trench. Otherwise, any explosions you experience will be merely Hollywood special effects.
Nine: Just because you come doesn’t mean she has, so don’t you dare come before her. Focus completely on your partner. Don’t worry about gettin’ yours, you’re a guy. You always get yours. Your job is to make sure she’s gettin’ hers.
Ten: If sex with your partner lasts no longer than this poem, you are not making love. You are masturbating with her body instead of your hand. Shame on you. Go back to step one. You’ve got a lot of learning to do.
Big Poppa E., “How To Make Love” (via dorkvader)
i feel like this should be published and sold everywhere
Harry Potter word count:
The Philosopher’s Stone - 76,944
The Chamber of Secrets - 85,141
The Prisoner of Azkaban - 107,253
The Goblet of Fire - 190,637
The Order of the Phoenix - 257,045
The Half-Blood Prince - 168,923
The Deathly Hallows - 204,796
Teen Wolf AU: Everything is the pack teasing each other and nothing hurts.
giveaway prompt fill for wolfbackliss
Did you guys hear that it was a black woman that wrote The Matrix movie, and she finally won the case?
They owe her about $2.5 billion.
Time Warner owns most media and didn’t print it. But news still got out.
I love pirates because they have no concept on albeism. oh you have no leg? here have a peg leg. no hand?? well guess we gotta put a hook on that, give those sons of bitches a surprise. Blind in one eye, put an eyepatch on no one fucking cares, youre deaf??? go man the canons you glorious bastard.They dont care if youre disabled bcus as long as you can fuck shit up they literally dont fucking care.
I love puns.